one day
by bleuboxes
Summary: He knows of course, that he should be content with being in her company (which does calm him down, if he must admit), but he isn't. He wants more; he just wishes that he'd be able to act on how he's feeling.


I wanna be free, I wanna be loved  
I wanna be more than you're thinking of  
Everything seems to be estranged when you're alone

 _I Wanna Be Free,_ Panic! At the Disco

* * *

It's been ten years.

Ten years since he's seen her last; ten years since he's gotten her stupid (pretty) face stuck in his head and he has no idea what he's going to say to her.

He's nervous, oh gods, he's nervous. (And he's well aware that it's fairly noticeable; if Obi Wan could notice it, and Obi wan, despite being one of his dearest friends and a being very talented with the force, is especially dull in this department, then he's sure the rest of the whole damned planet sense his unease as well.)

He blows it off, saying he hasn't seen her in ten years and he wants to make the right impression. It's not like he can say that he cares a little too much for the senator than he would like to admit. (He has no wish to be kicked out of the Jedi Order.)

Besides, Padmé would only serve as a distraction, and according to Obi Wan, he doesn't need any more of those.

xXx

He's awkward and clumsy around her, letting his mouth run so fast that his mind is barely able to catch up. (He had to save himself when he let slip that he thought she was beautiful, the force be damned, she was going to be the death of him.)

And then there's the disappointment that's buried deep with in him. She didn't recognize him; he wonders if he's even crossed her mind while he was away. That alone makes him bitter, but he knows he shouldn't be; hell, he shouldn't even be thinking of her as he is. He's better than this; he knows he is.

But that doesn't stop him.

If anything, it's pushing him off the deep end, knowing that he's not allowed to tell her how he feels – that he's permitted to love her but not in the way that he does (and it's not like his assignment of guarding her is helping at all; if it's doing anything its making matters worse.)

He knows of course, that he should be content with being in her company (which does calm him down, if he must admit), but he isn't. He wants more; he just wishes that he'd be able to act on how he's feeling.

XXx

The opportunity strikes at the most random of moments (he's busy being a bundle of nerves and she looks as beautiful as ever; he doesn't think he's going to be able to survive this assignment.)

They're standing on her balcony looking at the pristine lake in front of them and the luscious landscape that surrounds it; she's going on about how her childhood here and how she and her friends used to swim to the rock and how the sand on the shores was as soft as silk, when he chimes in about how he hates sand. (It sounded so much better in his head.) She's looking up at him as he's touching her back and he really would like nothing more than to kiss her. But all he manages to do is make her uncomfortable, which makes him feel like absolute crap knowing that he's the cause of her distress.

Days later, she suggests they go on a picnic, and of course, he's not going to object. (Obviously, he manages to make a fool out of himself, but this time, she joins in on his shenanigans and he's never been happier.)

xXx

It's not until after they've discussed what the hell is going on with their relationship does he realize that he would much rather live the lie than live without her. It makes him feel pathetic and like a child. Jedi weren't supposed to act this way. (Jedi weren't supposed to be in situations like this in the first place, but Obi Wan has always said he was a difficult one.)

He's selfish and he's quite aware of that fact now that all of these events have transpired. (Is it really so bad to want to be happy?) His heart is in turmoil; he loves her, yes, but he would much rather have her living a life full of joy without him by her side.

(It's times like these where he really wishes his life wasn't so god damned complicated.)

All he wants is a chance with her, a chance to tell her everyday how much he loves her (because if there is only one thing in the whole fucking galaxy, it's that he's terribly, madly, and wholly in love with this woman), and a chance to grow old with her (although with him being a Jedi, that may be a problem; living to an old age wasn't necessarily guaranteed)

But, despite having to keep all this pent up inside himself, he's elated that he's been put in charge of her safety (it's rather apparent, even to the gods above, that there is nothing that he would not do to make sure that she's safe). Besides, it's as good of an excuse as ever to get a chance to see her every day, so he really can't complain.

xXx

So he decides to take the good with the bad and just take each moment day by day (and try not to find any more reasons to love her, which is quite the challenge seeing as he loves everything about her already)

Even so, he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with this woman (whether or not it's permitted) and who the hell knows, maybe by the end of this mission, she will be feeling the same way about him.

And so the Universe begins to pull the strings in his favor, but before She's able to grant his wish, first she must take something (or someone) dear to him (and that would be his mother, and he begins to wonder if this is really what he wanted)

* * *

 **Hello friends! This is my first attempt at a Star Wars fic (hopefully the first of many) so I hope it's alright…**

 **After seeing The Force Awakens (like three times #noshame) I decided to educate my friend who at the age of 19 has never seen a Star Wars' movie in her life (long story short I watched the prequels all day with her yesterday)**

 **So, my Stormpilot feels and love for Kylo Ren were replaced with Anidala ones and my love of Anakin Skywalker was reawakened.**

 **Please, review (let me know if you liked it; I'm very new with writing for this fandom and sort of nervous about posting this) and favorite if you liked it!**

 **I hope you all have a wonderful 2016!**

 **bleuboxes**


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